by The Weeter (theweeter@aol.com)

Twas the night before Christmas
and all through out Cybertron
not a creature was sturring
not even a Stunticon.

The radar dishes were spinning
and scanning the air
in hopes that ol' Unicron
would not be near there.

The 'Bots and 'Cons were
sleeping in recharging beds
while visions of victory
danced in their heads.

Then upon the scanner
there came such a clatter
as the sky was filled
all awoke to see whats the matter.

A big hulking planet
trasnsformed on their rooves
where his feet landed
EVERYONE moved.

He stomped, and roared

7:00 AM - Amazing Inventions!
Infommercial. Host: Swindle. This week includes a home fusion cannon kit, a plant that grows After Dark screen saver modules, and a one-way dimensional portal. All for only 12 trilitres of energon resin. Operators are standing by.

8:00 AM - Cooking with Slag.
Yet more barbecue recipes. Today, Slag shows us why flamethrowers and cooking assistants don't mix.

8:30 AM - Transmaniacs.
Cartoon. Yakko decides to play with Shockwave and learns the meaning of "radiation sickness". Broadside sings the "International Friendship Song"

8:00 AM - Time Machine.

by Diana Calder (az529@freenet.carleton.ca)

Introduction

Are a.t.t.ers "Transformers fans"?  Sure!  But just how much of a fan
_are_ you?  TransFans can range from the casual fan, who cherishes a few
childhood toys, to the geek who knows every tech spec and episode by
heart, to the deranged psychopath who lives to dig through Hasbro/Kenner
garbage cans.  This is the "official" alt.tv.transformers test to
determine how much Transformers rule your life.  This test was inspired by
the alt.tv.animaniacs "Animaniacs Fan Purity Test" and the various "You
Know You're Obsessed with Tfs When..." posts on a.t.t.  To score sections

by Phoenix (rodimus@one.net.au)

So, why do all the girls think Megatron and Optimus Prime are so sexy?
Please put aside the notion for a moment that they are just robots, I am
considering them as 'men'.

The first and most obvious reason is their power, they are first in command
of their respective armies. Any man (well, just about!) who is high ranking,
wether as captain of a sports team or the president of a nation, will always
be able to pull in the girls. Power is a big drawcard, it sends out the
message that 'I'm the best' and from a survival point of view this is highly

TRANSFORMERS  BOOK OF THE DEAD
US & UK Comics, US & Japanese Cartoons

Created by: Liane "Tetra Reris" Elliot

Helpful corrections and additions by:
Jonah Rapp 
Zobovor 
Maximus Prime 
Prime Saber 
Hydra D304 
FlameStrike 
Michael Callahan
Jyni Tolppanen
plus additions from  http://lavender.fortunecity.com/polanski/549/formers/death.html

Special Note: This is an updated version of this Book of the Dead and goes to prove that all fans
nickpick over very fine details like spellings and the exact information of a character's

by Anyonmous

Here are some more "Alan Special Design" Transformers
The Cunticons
These wily decepiticons use their sexual powers to seduce Autobots to
their cause... they are the ones responsible for Mirage's traitorhood

Tititabula - This "double threat" leader of the Cunticons fires
red-hot milk from her double-barrelled chest mounted cannons.  She's
smart and bountiful, too!

Kiddocon - this bot was designed especially to trap Optimus, a
well-known pedophile.  While her body is underdeveloped, her battle

by Technoknight (knightster@CMU.EDU)

OK, lots of people are arguing about the Tranformers.  Here's my hypothesis:
(following the Quintisson theory, using the TV series and movie ONLY.)

9 million years B.C.

The Quintisons create Vector Sigma and the planet (about the size of Mars, but
much heavier as it is entirely metal and air) Cyberton.  They start selling
military and personal robots to the dominant life-forms in the Milky Way 
Galaxy.  The biggest buyers happen to be humanoid in shape, so the robots are

A chronology of the transformers by Technoknight

The Cunticons

Some uh, different TFs by Alan J. Laser

Book of the dead

A listing of the various Transformers who died as well as the cause of death

The female perspective, Part 2