The horror! The horror! Of all the nightmares we covered in our "Windows 95 nightmares" story, we missed the most Kafka-esque: to wake up one morning and discover you've been transformed into the most hated of all computer software...a virus. We've uncovered a few telltale signs that you've suffered this fate...

10.	Only sociopaths think you're cool.
9.	Sandra Bullock is fascinated by you...and you know it's nothing to do with your looks or personality.
8.	Till he met you, Dr. Solomon was wondering what to do with his life.
7.	You were expelled from school for replicating in the locker room.
6.	When someone says the word "McAfee," you recoil in horror.
5.	You had a DNA test...and it consists of zeroes and ones.
4.	You walk into a room and people shout, "Eeek! A computer virus!"
3.	You work only one day a year, and (whaddayaknow?) it's on Michelangelo's birthday.
2.	Whenever you hear someone quoting the Microsoft slogan, "Where do you want to go today?" you reply, "Straight to the boot sector!"
and... 1.	You're sick, sick, sick!